7.0Band

Academic Task 1Marked paper

Instant noodle production

199 wordsMarked 14 September 2020

7.0Overall
band

IELTS examiner

Click a criterion to focus its notes & feedback

The essay — as marked199 words

The diagram illustrates the process of producing instant noodles. Overall, this is a human-engineered manufacturing process comprising a number of steps, from transporting flour, through different mixing and cooking stages, to the finished labeled and sealed products. At the beginning of the process, noodle flour stored in silos is transferred to tank trucks by pumpers to prepare for production. After being transported to manufacturing facilities, this flour is combined with water and oil in a mixer. This mixture is then rolled into dough sheets, after which they are moved on a conveyor belt to a specialized machine that cuts them into many separate strips. Subsequently, these strips are shaped into noodle discs to be ready for the next steps. The process continues with the noodle discs being cooked in oil and then left to dry in a separate storage. Once dried, these noodles are then placed into cups, along with added vegetables and spices, followed by the filled cups being placed in another separate storage. The last step of the process involves the cups being labeled and sealed properly, covering both the tops and sides of the cups, ensuring that they are ready for distribution. Overall band score 76+7+7+8

Examiner notes20 notes

1Task · StrengthstrengthEXAMINER · TA

Good introduction

2Grammar · IssueissueEXAMINER · GRA

Missed opportunity to use some great structures: the process has eight main steps, from flour being stored in silos, through various processing steps in which other ingredients are added, to pots of instant noodles coming off the production line.

3Task · IssueissueEXAMINER · TA

Redundant – you mean unlike cat-engineered processes?

4Task · IssueissueEXAMINER · TA

As they’re numbered in the diagram, I’d give that number

5Lexis · IssueissueEXAMINER · LR

See GRA

6Cohesion · IssueissueEXAMINER · CC

See GRA

7Task · IssueissueEXAMINER · TA

Confusing – you seem to be saying the flour is transferred to the truck, but it’s the opposite - the basic raw material, namely flour, is transferred from a truck to silos where it is stored until needed.

8Lexis · IssueissueEXAMINER · LR

Ok but I’ve never heard of noodle flour.

9Lexis · IssueissueEXAMINER · LR

the silos are part of the factory Better: production line

10Lexis · IssueissueEXAMINER · LR

Better without this

11Lexis · IssueissueEXAMINER · LR

Or in preparation

12Lexis · IssueissueEXAMINER · LR

See C&C

13Cohesion · IssueissueEXAMINER · CC

See GRA

14Grammar · TipsuggestionEXAMINER · GRA

Maybe this is ok but it looks unnatural. Simpler and better: and filled cups are then labelled and sealed

15Task · IssueissueEXAMINER · TA

I don’t think this is separate storage – it’s all part of the production line.

16Cohesion · IssueissueEXAMINER · CC

Better: at which point

17Lexis · IssueissueEXAMINER · LR

See C&C

Not tied to a phrase

Task · IssueissueEXAMINER · TA

I don’t think it’s a separate storage area

Cohesion · IssueissueEXAMINER · CC

Do not avoid using these extremely useful words. But don’t overuse them

Cohesion · IssueissueEXAMINER · CC

Missed opportunity for easy linking

The arithmetic

How four marks become 7.0

TA 6.0+CC 7.0+LR 7.0+GRA 8.0=28÷ 4 =Band 7.0

IELTS writing takes the arithmetic mean of the four criteria, rounded to the nearest half band. One lagging criterion drags the whole score — fixing TA alone takes this paper from 7.0 to 7.5.

“Recommended Layout for Task 1 Answers

Write an introduction paraphrasing the information provided. If possible, change the structure from a noun phrase to a noun clause (change the chart gives information about the number of to the chart shows how many […] ).
Write a clear overview of the main trends, differences, and stages. If there are trends and differences (ie if there are changes over time), give some information about both. If there are only differences, as in questions with no time scale, provide differences of more than one type.
Put the overview after the introduction in a separate paragraph. Don’t hide it in the introduction or at the end, as it’s the first thing the examiner looks for.
Separate your paragraphs with blank lines. It looks better and there can be no doubt that it is a new paragraph.
Write one or more paragraphs about the information itself and organise it logically. Use signposting phrases to show your organisation to the examiner. Eg Looking first at the most popular reasons, […]
It’s not necessary to write a conclusion, because you’ve already given the information in an overview.

TTony Grace · notes from the examiner

“Sequencing Phrases for Task 1 Processes

[…], after which

(Note that this can never be a new sentence)

TTony Grace · notes from the examiner

“Grammatical Structures you could use in a Task 1 process

After + gerund + V3

TTony Grace · notes from the examiner

Close the gap

Turn the TA 6 into a 9

Rewrite

Graded essay · Academic Task 1 · Marked by Tony GraceEssay ID GE-graded-task1-academic-instant-noodle-production

Instant noodle production

How four marks become 7.0

Turn the TA 6 into a 9

Redo this prompt with the notes open

Task Achievement: close the gap

Read a Band 8.5 paper